Are you there, Marilyn? Can you hear me?
Perfectly well. It's too bad honey, but I can also see you.
Good God! Is it really you, Marilyn?
Please call me Norma Jean. We go by our real names up here. Now what is it you want? I've just got out of bed, and I'm wearing nothing but Chanel No.5. I smell Heavenly, but I feel like hell. Late night.
Can I ask you a few questions? What is Heaven like?
Honey, it's to die for.
What's there to do?
Everything except sex. I had a few friends around last night - do you know Freddie Mercury? He's a dear old queen. John Lennon and Elvis, they were here, and quite out of it on drugs, and of course I had the darling Kennedy brothers around. Both terribly charming boys, bobby and Jack, but sometimes they just talk through a hole in the their head.
President Kennedy was there? Tell me - who shot JFK?
He was just here a minute ago. You could have asked him, but he's shot through.
Are you aware of Madonna?
That effing little tramp! Excuse my language, honey, but she really gets on my tits. I hate it how she uses my image. Look at the way she looked like me for her Material Girl video. And now she's put out that book of dirty photos. No class, just ass.
You know she might play you in a film of your life?
That bitch! Over my dead body!
What do you think of her taste in men?
Tacky, very tacky. She goes for the vain type. Look at Sean Penn, Vanilla Ice, and honestly, Warren Beatty! That boy made a pass at me once, but he had one eye in the mirror. I liked a man who could use his head, not just give it. Madonna really wants to be the new Marilyn Monroe, she should follow my example and sleep with a President or a writer.
Well, I'm a writer.
How fascinating for you.
Don't you think that Madonna's book is an attempt to show us that sexual fantasies are perfectly natural and beautiful, and not something to be ashamed of?
Does your world really need Madonna to tell you that? Come on. The book is about one thing only: herself. Her whole career is about herself. And besides, Where is there in her book anything about love? I would say that love is a lot more daring than sex.
What things have you missed in the last 30 years?
Can you imagine what you would have done if you had lived?
I suppose I would have got out of bed that morning.
No, I mean with the rest of your life?
We all think about that up here, I don't know...Elvis says he'd have liked to make rap music or joined Dread Zeppelin, and Jim Morrison wished he'd taken up acting. He really wanted to be in some film called The Doors.
But what about you? You were bright, you were beautiful, you had the United States President in your bed; do you think you could have gone on to acheive something more amazing than your legend?
Death was probably my best career move. I've lost count of how many songs and films there are about me - not to mention the books, which are all trash, honey. I think I would simply have liked to retire, live in some forgotten country like New Zealand, and marry a nice farmer and raise kids, or at least raise vegetables. In the end, fame is a bore. To me, that's all Madonna stands for. Fame, fame and more fame. Fame doesn't give it just takes. I think I gave the world a dream: a dream of beauty and happiness, sex and innocence.
Pardon my prying, but did you commit suicide or were you murdered?
I can't hear you...the psychic telephone is growing faint...besides, I want to get dressed. goodbye!
Goodbye, Norma Jean!